:: midnightride ::

i’ve been very busy for the last two weeks. come to think of it, i didn’t seem to do sumthing really useful :).

i realize that, in a funny way, God leads me back to the path i’ve abandoned for sometime. i once believed that i would go to an art school, had a great time and porfolio, but i never did all those. i went to a school which turned out to be a whole new world for me. i like it but i just don’t have the brain :). i hate to admit it but it is true. i love it but i don’t have the skills :). what can i say..?

anyway, now i’m going to an art school in October (after i graduate of course) and Machiko-sensei offered me to join her grade 5 !!! life couldn’t've been better than this..

Jesus Christ loves me; i know that and He will always guide me and be here within me..

forgiveness

those eyes of the night
within which I witness
not delight nor a bless
but unutterably pain and sadness
to such evil had I led you through
to mere wickedness had I engaged you to
I was nothing but the fool
writhing as the guilt in me grew

loathe me for my weakness
loathe me for my failures
grant me not your compassions
    not your forgiveness

for I have sinned severely
those
eyes of the night..

october 10, 2004

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it was a long time ago yet it feels like yesterday.
shmily.

;have you ever stumbled into a problem you never, never hope in your life will happen, not even once ? well, my sister had that kind of experinces just today. that experience was so shocking for her that i took her for a treat at starbucks and still she wasn’t all happy after.

so what’s the story ?

she had a crush about two or three weeks ago on a man in our church. THAT was news so i encouraged her to get infos about this man. unfortunately, it wasn’t a very wise move. she asked this girl we know and that girl, OMG, happened to be the man’s ex ! now THAT i’d call a disaster. why ? because that particular girl gave this impression that she wasn’t all keen to give my sister her blessing. not that my sister needs one but at least the girl should’ve give my sister some indications whether the ex still wanted the man back or not. that girl was still going out with the man after they broke out and they still looked each other passionately.

i didn’t realize that until today. i just happened to witness the way they talk to each other today. only today i had that chance.

that girl wasn’t very happy to know that my sister had a crush on her ex. it showed clearly. my sister and i agreed on that. actually, my sister is far more tough tham i am, far more logic than i am, and after my sister finally admitted that she didn’t like the ex’s attitude, i felt better :>. i thought i was merely being emotional ! maybe i was.. a bit.. hehe..

the ex was not nice. really. not nice at all. if only i could write it all down here to describe how mean she was, i would. but i am now speechless. why on earth my sister happened to come to a girl who appeared to be his ex in the 1st place, was .. i dun know..

i admit i am emotional. very much emotional. i felt like i couldn’t protect my sister though i know she didn’t need any from me. but i just couldn’t take it for granted sumone talking to my sister like that.. that’s all..