:: midnightride ::

should i look back and say, "geez, what’ve i done ?"
or
should i look back and say, "… wish i didn’t."
or
should i look back and say, "if i never had had it at the first, i wouldn’t have lost it anyway."

but what’s done is done. i SHOULD’VE known better than anyone, SHOULD’VE, what i am to face later on but i’m just so selfish and so very stubborn. i let my ego steer me, that’s that.

now, if it’s only i who am hurt, it’s fine. i am not sure whether i can handle it but at least i’ll get over it like i got over other problems in my life. i am not very happy to realize that someday i might hurt the person i most care about :’}.. "might"; i hope it’ll never happen anyway…

[sigh]
i cannot complain right now. there’s only two things to do; to completely ignore the matter or to just face it whatever it takes..

how well do i know a man-i-dearly-love who is sitting next to me ?

im afraid that what i see from him is merely the things i want to see, not what he really is. i try to see "wholeness" but it isn’t actually that easy. i expect things. i imagine things. i feel things when i suppose to think.

right now, im feeling unwell. you know, it’s like when you’re holding a burning candle you absolutely know that it’s warm and maybe hot. you don’t neccesarily need to touch the top of a burning candle only to feel it’s hot, do you ?

[sigh]
it’s what happen with me (or :us ?). i know something went wrong though i know not what : {. the problem is, you can blow a burning candle to avoid its burning your fingers. this can’t be done with a relationship because i of course have no desire whatsoever to blow a relationship that has been up so well just because i feel it’s burning.  what i feel isnt always right, i know.

[sigh]
want i to love you always, shmily; not because i love you now or you me; it’s simply because i would never know anymore how not to..