:: midnightride ::

wheew!
one of my biggest challenges is over. i finally passed my final exam in digital studio. not entirely "passed" it because my partner hasn’t; due to her "clumsiness". not clumsy if i may say. but i’ll keep it for my self. anyway, we’ll face it together on jan 31.

now,
i shud have more time for myself then, shudn’t i? WRONG! my comic hasn’t finished yet, i still have this urge to remake my motion graphic whatsoever, my future distributor try to monopolize the selling of splash, and so on and so on. i still have to find or have to earn some ads to cover the production cost too. but those are not why i am writing right now.

i still have one unfinished business that cannot be compared by those tasks above. this particular business includes another person and so it has to be handled asap. until now, not many knows that i had ended my relationship with someone for some time. even fewer know the very reasons why. only two or three friends (including my sister) know the ‘why’. the uncomfortable part is he didn’t know it either that time and he doesn’t until now.

he did ask me in some emails he sent after the break up but at that time, at that time was really my hectic time. so i neglected it. i read it again yesterday and still didn’t know how to answer. how could you possibly explain someone that something just vanished? it can be and i believe it can happen to anyone even to lovers who finally decide to get married. it happens. the feeling just vanished. because just like plants, when you forget to nourish them, forget to water them, they will finally ‘leave’ you. in my case, it is i who forgot and he just let me forget. i really could not answer his question before making sure it is what it was that made me wanted that break up.

frankly, i never never, at once, put my deepest thought about the reason. i just came to the conclusion because he asked me to make the decision. that time, it was the only thing i could do. the only option i had.

i am not gonna start arguing about whose fault it was. it will never end. if he considered it was me, so be it. for me, i always, always, always believe that it takes two to tango - no excuses.

well.. i wonder.. do i have to answer his questions about the why-es? considering they are about 3-month-old questions? do i have to or shud i just pretend that i can’t explain?

geez..